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قديم 04 / 01 / 2008, 21 : 04 PM   المشاركة رقم: 1
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المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
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Family secrets: tell or not?


أسرار العائلة



Article By: Jennifer Gruden

When does privacy become harmful? Prevent family secrets from becoming toxic.



When Madeleine*, 53, of Laval, Quebec, lost her father and mother in the same year she was deeply saddened by the loss. What made it devastating, however, was discovering while going through family records that she had been adopted. She immediately called her aunt.
“She said that everyone in that generation knew, but that there had been no reason to talk about it.” Madeleine says with emotion still present in her voice, “I was so angry. I had what I considered a good relationship with my parents, and this really made me feel like it had been founded on a lie.”
Years later, and after a successful search for her biological family, Madeleine came to believe that her parents were doing the best that they could. “Secrecy was so common then. I am still angry that they didn't choose to tell me later – after all my mother watched Oprah, she must have had some idea that it was information that should be shared. But I know that they were products of their generation too… their generation just didn't talk about those things. They must have had advice not to tell me.”
Madeleine's story is just one of many where a long-held family secret brings more anger and sadness about the secret keeping than the secret itself. Most, if not all, families keep secrets which range from the minor and even funny to large and destructive. A certain degree of privacy can be important in order for individuals to grow and learn, as John Bradshaw discusses in the opening chapter of his book Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion.
But other secrets can become toxic, threatening the individual's sense of health, bonding, and personal identity. Family secrets are particularly important because the creation of secrets and the reasons for keeping them can profoundly affect a child's sense of purpose and self.
If you are a family secret-keeper, or if you suspect your family has kept secrets from you, it can be difficult to decide what to do. A thoughtful approach will help you navigate the waters.
Roots of secrets
Information becomes secret for a variety of reasons. Some of the most common are:

• to preserve intimacy or to keep something "special”
• to gain or maintain someone's interest, respect, or admiration
• to prevent shame, loss, embarrassment, or guilt
• out of fear of upsetting or harming someone
• to gain an advantage
• to honor a pledge

When you are deciding whether or not to reveal a secret or to press about one, it may be useful to consider the original decision. In Madeleine's case she came to believe that her parents kept her adoption a secret in part out of concern for her well-being, and that helped her to accept their reasons. But she also believes that a part of it was that her parents were ashamed of their infertility and concerned about preserving the image of her family as “normal” and she wishes that they had not chosen to respect that over what she perceives as her right to know the truth about her origins.
Reevaluate family secrets in context
In Madeleine's case, as with many of our families, some secrets that seem imperative at the time become less so as society's strictures change. An aunt's divorce or an uncle's same-sex partner might have been scandalous in the past, but might not be much more than a blip on the family radar now.

Another issue is age. Some family secrets, such as mental illness in the family, may have been kept from children for various reasons. But once those children are older it may not be necessary to keep the secret any longer – and may even be essential information for them to feel connected to the family as adults.
So if you are a secret-keeper, spend a little time now and then considering whether the time is right for a secret to be aired.
Bringing up family secrets
If you decide to reveal a family secret, choose your time wisely. Blurting it out in the car on the way to a niece's wedding is probably not the best way to do it! It might be best to give family members a little warning by saying that there's something about the past you'd like to discuss and then set a mutually agreeable time and place to do it.

Email or mail can be another approach, and appropriate for far-flung relatives, but doesn't really replace the face-to-face comfort of an actual meeting.
Either way, being matter of fact is probably best. An apology for keeping the information secret may go a long way, if you think it is appropriate. You can expect that people will have questions, and may want to think in advance how much information you want to share. You may also have to accept some anger about having been kept in the dark, in the short term at least.
If you suspect there's a secret in the family – the “what really happened to Cousin Myrtle” syndrome – then asking gently, with compassion for the secret-bearer, is a good approach. Once again it's a good idea to choose a quiet time, and to leave space for the other party's emotions. Being asked about a secret can bring a lot of difficult, conflicting emotions to the forefront.
Don't kill the messenger
Whether you are revealing a secret or being asked about one, remember that the person in front of you is just that – a person, and likely one you care deeply about. It's human nature both to create and keep secrets, and also to want to know. Many of the bad feelings that persist after secrets are revealed have to do with individuals on both sides of the equation feeling disrespected and unheard. A little compassion and patience can go a very long way – and encourage openness in the years to come.


RELATED ARTICLES

Violence in the family
When family relationships crumble
Family at the borderline


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عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 07 / 01 / 2008, 17 : 08 AM   المشاركة رقم: 2
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Helping Your Child Make the Grade


TEANECK, N.J.,

PRNewswire via COMTEX/ -- As report cards begin to arrive in the mail, how parents respond to these grades can affect their child's self esteem and future academic success. Excellent or passing marks don't always translate into proficiency. This is a good time to see if a child is on track for the school year.

Andrea Pastorok, Ph.D., education specialist with Kumon Math & Reading Centers recommends the following tips to help parents interpret a child's report card.

* Pay attention to teacher comments, as they can be more revealing than the grade itself. If any comments seem unclear, follow up with the teacher and ask for more feedback. A grade often doesn't reflect a child's potential ability.

* If your child's grade seems low, don't panic. Compare it to the class average, and if it still seems low (in core areas such as math or reading) seek help. Ask the school for remedial assistance, hire a private tutor or enroll your child in a supplemental education program such as Kumon Math & Reading Centers to help your child succeed. Don't punish your child for poor grades, provide the support needed to improve.

* For elementary age students, help your child achieve long-term goals rather than focusing on the grade received. This is the stage where a child develops confidence, an interest in learning and basic math and reading skills; the fundamentals to succeed at high school and college levels. Good grades will be required later on to pre-qualify for honors or advanced placement (AP) courses offered in high school and to maintain a strong GPA needed for entrance to college.

* Once a game plan is set for improvement, routinely check your child's progress. Work with the tutor and monitor whether your child is moving forward and achieving set goals. Parents must take an active role in helping their child overcome difficulties. If a child has a learning disability, it is especially important that parents are patient and supportive.

* If your child doesn't do well on tests, it's important to get him to practice; that obstacle can be overcome with repetition and help. Today's child cannot fear test taking, or let testing interfere with their ability to learn.

"Regardless of a child's needs, all parents should try to maintain an ongoing dialogue with their child's teacher from day one," says Pastorok. "Keep in touch by attending parent nights or call and arrange for a meeting with the teacher. Don't wait for the next report card to signal a call to action."

About Kumon Math and Reading Centers: Kumon [k-mon] is an after-school math and reading program. Founded in Japan in 1958, the learning method uses a systematic approach that helps children develop a solid command of math and reading skills. Through daily practice and mastery of materials, students increase confidence, improve concentration and develop better study skills. Worldwide, there are 3.6 million students studying at more than 22,000 Kumon Centers in 43 countries. For more information: 1-800-ABC-MATH or visit http://www.kumon.com. Kumon North America is headquartered in Teaneck, New Jersey.




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 18 / 01 / 2008, 04 : 08 PM   المشاركة رقم: 3
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

كلية شمال الأطلنطي بقطر تحدثكم عن نفسها


CNA-Q is the State of Qatar’s premier comprehensive technical college. We opened in September 2002 pursuant to the vision and direction of His Highness Sheikh Hamad Bin Khalifa Al-Thani, the Emir. CNA-Q was formed through an agreement between the State of Qatar and College of the North Atlantic, Canada.

We offer a range of programs here at the campus and are sure we have a program to fit your needs. Combining a Canadian curriculum and industry expertise, CNA-Q students are taught the needed skills sought after by industry.

The College offers state-of-the-art facilities and equipment. We are a student-centered college which places high value on the success and satisfaction of our students. Contact us today and learn more about what we have to offer.

Come today and explore the exciting opportunities that CNA-Q has to offer. We offer a world-class education right here in Qatar!

Programs of study are set by international standards and in direct consultation with local industry and business. Programs receiving accreditation certifications are audited by second parties. Programs run one, two or three years in duration.

Once you graduate from CNA-Q, you will be recognized for your competencies, abilities to learn, and your potential for professional growth. You will acquire workplace competencies, learn English, develop ethics of professionalism, and mature as individuals while attending CNA-Q.

Employers recognize these traits and have joined with us in partnership for training. At present, 73% of our students are already employees. Industry is committed to seeing us grow and we are responding to their recommendations and directions.

CNA-Q’s educational training model is Canadian and last year our students came from 20 nations, including Qatar. All personnel and students are engaged in cultural exchange. Faculty and students are learning the power and benefit of showing appreciation for cultural differences.

Visit our campus today and explore the opportunity of studying at CNA-Q!




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 21 / 01 / 2008, 18 : 03 PM   المشاركة رقم: 4
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

The Gift of Learning

نقره لعرض الصورة في صفحة مستقلة



Give the gift of lifelong learning to your grandchild.


The holiday season is officially upon us. Soon, our grandchildren will be “tucked all snug in their beds, with visions of sugarplums [and any number of popular toys] dancing in their heads.” How we love to see their delight on Christmas morning! But will this year's gifts last? What if you could give your grandchild a gift that delights and sets the stage for a lifetime of learning?


The Ability to Learn

The greatest gift any child can receive is the ability to learn. In his ground-breaking 1983 study, Herbert J. Walberg Ph.D. concluded that early educational experience predicts adult ability and desire to learn. That is to say, those children who are successful in education will seek learning as adults; and those children who struggle will lose the desire and ability to learn. Obviously, there will always be exceptions. But the struggle to make up the loss later in life is formidable.
As a lifelong learner, you can give your grandchild a lasting gift this year: Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™. Developed by the nonprofit Waterford Institute after nearly two decades of research, this innovative software will put your grandchild on the path to a lifetime of learning.


Because Learning is Fun

With 3D animation, interactive games, videos, digital books, and engaging music, Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ will instill a love for learning. Your granddaughter will be dancing in her seat. Your grandson will delight in sharing his favorite songs and games with you.
A Complete Reading, Math, and Science Program
With 60 gigabytes of media (that's 85 CDs), Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ contains three full years of reading, math and science lessons—enough to bring a preschooler to reading fluency and elementary math and science competence. Moreover, you can be confident that your grandchild is learning. More than 40 independent studies have validated the effectiveness of the Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ curriculum. The Florida Center for Reading Research gave the reading curriculum five stars (out of five) for completeness.

Personalized to Your Grandchild's Needs
Whether your grandchild struggles or excels, Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ will provide instruction tailored to his or her needs. The program continually monitors your grandchild's responses.

For struggling learners, the program presents more instruction, more practice, and intense review. As a complete curriculum, Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ will present all of the material needed to master the skill AND give the added support that struggling learners need.
When children show early mastery of skills, they automatically skip the explicit instruction and spend more time in practice and application of the skill. You can also manually adjust the instruction to spend more time where you grandchild is most engaged (in math, science, or reading).

With Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™, every child learns without limits
.
Give your grandchild a lasting gift this year—one that he or she will love. Learn more about this extraordinary program at www.rustyandrosy.ca/50nl.


The Facts
For children age 4–8
3 full years of instruction delivered on a USB hard drive
High-speed Internet required

$59.96 for Rusty and Rosy Learn with Me™ kit*
$15.96 per month subscription*

*Each kit and subscription supports personalized learning for up to 5 children.
“Prepare to have a child who is addicted to learning.” – Stephanie Booth (mother)

Enter 50PlusB as your promotional code and receive 20% off of your kit. Buy now at: www.rustyandrosy.ca/50nl.

© Waterford Institute – 2007.




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 26 / 01 / 2008, 52 : 04 PM   المشاركة رقم: 5
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Act your age, or it's paradise lost

John Rosemond

Question: We recently kicked our 6-year-old out of the Garden of Eden for constant whining, frequent tantrums, hiding behind me when I'm talking with another adult, running away from me in stores, and other behaviors typical of 3-year-olds. He has no developmental delays, however, and is actually fairly intelligent. The problem is getting him to act his age. Help!

Answer: Before I give you some advice, I need to explain for the benefit of our readers what is meant by "kicking a child out of the Garden of Eden." In this case, Paradise is the child's room, and kicking the child out means to strip the room of anything and everything that is not essential furniture and clothing. The parents then establish specific behavioral goals which must the child must attain and maintain for two weeks to a month in order to begin getting his "stuff" back. I recommend this conservatively, only when a child's misbehavior is persistently beyond the borders of outrageous, and the child has failed to respond to lower-level consequences. The purpose of "kicking" is to issue the child a powerful wake-up call in the hope that the child will finally see the wisdom of changing his errant ways.

The immature behavior you are describing is certainly outrageous enough to justify this course of action. To begin your son's rehabilitation, establish one behavioral goal, such as not hiding behind you when you are talking with another adult. Tell your son, very specifically, what you expect of him in that situation-hold your hand, stand still and quiet at your side, and answer the adult's questions while maintaining fairly good eye contact. Rehearse the proper behavior at home with Mom and Dad. When he has the new behavior(s) pretty well "down" in practice sessions, tell him that when he's able to successfully perform them in a public situation, with a third party, as well as he is performing them at home, he will get back a certain coveted toy or toys.

If he makes the attempt and doesn't quite get it, go home, review his "performance," rehearse again, and then try again. Keep trying until he has success. Then establish a second goal, but if he backslides with the first, he has to give that toy back and start anew. This will take some time and self-discipline on your part, but perseverance will eventually carry the day.





Question: My 7-year-old daughter is often quite bossy to her sister and other playmates. I know I should not get involved, but it is difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when I hear being so rude! What would you advise?

Answer: Ideally, you should stay out of it. On the other hand, you do not need to apologize for the fact that your daughter's bad manners bother you terribly, in which case you should do something to solve YOUR problem. I recommend invoking the "Do Not Disturb Mom's Peace" rule.

Simply tell your daughter that although you think she is often rude to her sister and friends, you're not going to get involved in her disputes or relationships with other children. However, if her bossing other children around happens to get under your skin, you will send or take the children home (or separate her from her sister) and confine her to her room for the remainder of the day with a considerably early bedtime.

If you are ruthless about enforcing this, it should take no more than a few weeks for her to develop much better social etiquette.

*About the Author: John Rosemond has written nine best-selling parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.

Click here to visit Rosemond's Web site, www.rosemond.com.




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 27 / 01 / 2008, 29 : 11 AM   المشاركة رقم: 6
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson

Dr. James Dobson
DON'T FORCE A CHILD TO EAT WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO

QUESTION: Should a parent try to force a child to eat?

DR. DOBSON: No. In fact, the dinner table is one potential battlefield where a parent can easily get ambushed. You can't win there! A strong-willed child is like a good military general who constantly seeks an advantageous place to take on the enemy. He need look no farther. Of all the common points of conflict between generations ... bedtime, hair, clothes, schoolwork, etc., the advantages at the table are all in the child's favor! Three times a day, a very tiny child can simply refuse to open his mouth. No amount of coercing can make him eat what he doesn't want to eat.

I remember one three-year-old who was determined not to eat his green peas, despite the insistence of his father that the squishy little vegetables were going down. It was a classic confrontation between the irresistible force and an immovable object. Neither would yield. After an hour of haranguing, threatening, cajoling and sweating, the father had not achieved his goal. The tearful toddler sat with a fork-load of peas pointed ominously at his sealed lips.

Finally, through sheer intimidation, the dad managed to get one bite of peas in place. But the lad wouldn't swallow them. I don't know everything that went on afterward, but the mother told me they had no choice but to put the child to bed with the peas still in his mouth. They were amazed at the strength of his will.

The next morning, the mother found a little pile of mushy peas where they had been expelled at the foot of the bed! Score one for Junior, none for Dad. Tell me in what other arena a thirty-pound child could whip a grown man?

Not every toddler is this tough, of course. But many of them will gladly do battle over food. It is their ideal power game. Talk to any experienced parent or grandparent and they will tell you this is true. The sad thing is that these conflicts are unnecessary. Children will eat as much as they need if you keep them from indulging in the wrong stuff. They will not starve. I promise!

The way to deal with a poor eater is to set good food before him. If he claims to not be hungry, wrap the plate, put it in the refrigerator and send him cheerfully on his way. He'll be back in a few hours. There is a little mechanism in his tummy that says "gimme food!" several times a day. When this occurs, do not put sweets, snacks or confectionery food in front of him. Simply retrieve the earlier meal, warm it up and serve it again. If he protests, send him out to play again. Even if 12 hours or more goes by, continue this procedure until food -- all food -- begins to look and smell wonderful. From that time forward, the battle over the dinner table should be history.





QUESTION: Since almost every couple fights from time to time, what distinguishes a healthy marriage from one that is in serious trouble? How can a husband and wife know when their conflicts are within normal limits and when they are symptoms of more serious problems?

DR. DOBSON: It is true that conflict occurs in virtually all marriages. That is how resentment and frustration are ventilated. The difference between stable families and those in serious trouble is evidenced by what happens after a fight. In healthy relationships, a period of confrontation ends in forgiveness -- in drawing together -- in deeper respect and understanding -- and sometimes in sexual satisfaction. But in unstable marriages a period of conflict produces greater pain and anger that persists until the next fight. When that occurs, one unresolved issue is compounded by another and another. That accumulation of resentment is an ominous circumstance in any marriage.





Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from "Solid Answers" and "Bringing Up Boys," both published by Tyndale House.




COPYRIGHT 2008 JAMES DOBSON INC. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 29 / 01 / 2008, 20 : 06 PM   المشاركة رقم: 7
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Morning Breath 101

Dr. Tara Kompare, Pharm.D,
I don’t know about you, but I always look forward to starting my mornings with snuggle sessions from my girls. Fresh from a good nights sleep,
my two and five-year-old are usually eager to nestle into my arms and share lots of kisses. But what happens when those kisses aren’t as sweet as you hoped? What if your child’s breath knocks your socks off, in a bad kind of way?

Believe it or not, children can also suffer from halitosis, or bad breath. Some of the most popular causes include:

-Poor Dental Health: The tongue, teeth, and gums all need lots of TLC in order to prevent the build up of odor-producing bacteria. If our kids are not brushing and flossing properly, bad breath is sure to follow.

-Tonsil Crypts: Our tonsils often contain crypts -- a fancy word for pits that can trap food particles causing odor. It is also important to note that mouth breathing, which is often caused by enlarged tonsils, can lead to halitosis as well.

-Foreign Bodies: Until this past Halloween, I was proud of the fact that my children had never stuffed anything up their nose. Well, my long record came to a screeching halt with a bag of mini M&M’s and a very daring two-year-old. If you aren’t fortunate enough to catch your kids in the act of shoving something into their nostrils, you may find out afterwards from the rotten smell. In order to tell if their nose is to blame, just take a whiff and look for any unusual nasal discharge.

-Postnasal Drip and Infection: Children with allergies and/or a sinus infection often develop postnasal drainage which collects in the back of the throat creating a breeding ground for odor-causing bacteria.

-Fungus: There are certain medications that can cause the development of an oral fungal infection called thrush. Inhaled steroids are one of the leading offenders but brushing and rinsing immediately after use can help minimize this unwanted side effect. Symptoms of thrush include bad breath and white spots on the tongue and cheeks.

Prevention and Treatment Tips:

-Treat any underlying medical conditions: If you suspect your child has allergies or an infection, it is important to bring your child to their doctor for further evaluation. With the proper diagnosis and medication, bad breath can be easily treated and eliminated.

-Encourage your children to brush and floss regularly: The dental products available today are amazing. I remember when I was a kid and dreamt about toothpaste that was flavored like bubble gum or watermelon and now that dream is a reality. If only I were a kid today…

-Check out your child’s throat: Ask your child to open up and say “Aahh” while you check out their tonsils for any trapped food particles and examine their tongue for any white spots.

-Watch them while they eat: If you have a toddler or preschooler at home, I am sure you know how quick and sneaky they can be. Try to not leave them alone in a room to eat since the odds are pretty high that they will experiment sticking things up and into anything with a hole in it.

We all know someone who has chronic bad breath and, most likely, you try to avoid getting too close to him or her. When it comes to our kids, however, we must always remain close so keeping their breath fresh and odor-free is a must!

P.S.S. (Parent Sanity Saver): To help ensure that your kids are brushing long enough, you may want to try using a “Twooth Timer.” This tooth-shaped two-minute timer can be found at www.twoothtimer.com and may help save you the cost of some unnecessary dental visits!

The author is a Doctor of Pharmacy, mother of two amazing little girls, and a chocoholic. She is currently working on a book about colic and is a part-time pharmacist in a busy outpatient pharmacy. E-mail questions/comments to
drk@themedicinemom.com or visit her website at www.themedicinemom.com.

Courtesy of arcamax




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 30 / 01 / 2008, 51 : 08 AM   المشاركة رقم: 8
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات


((هل أعلمه الأدب أم أتعلم منه قلة الأدب))
في كل صباح يقف عند كشكه الصغير ليلقي عليه تحية الصباح ويأخذ صحيفته المفضلة ويدفع ثمنها وينطلق ولكنه لا يحظى إطلاقا برد من البائع على تلك التحية، وفي كل صباح أيضا يقف بجواره شخص آخر يأخذ صحيفته المفضلة ويدفع ثمنها ولكن صاحبنا لا يسمع صوتا لذلك الرجل، وتكررت اللقاءات أمام الكشك بين الشخصين كل يأخذ صحيفته ويمضي في طريقه، وظن صاحبنا أن الشخص الآخر أبكم لا يتكلم، إلى أن جاء اليوم الذي وجد ذلك الأبكم يربت على كتفه وإذا به يتكلم متسائلا: لماذا تلقي التحية على صاحب الكشك فلقد تابعتك طوال الأسابيع الماضية وكنت في معظم الأيام ألتقي بك وأنت تشتري صحيفتك اليومية، فقال الرجل وما الغضاضة في أن ألقي عليه التحية؟ فقال: وهل سمعت منه ردا طوال تلك الفترة؟ فقال صاحبنا: لا ، قال: إذا لم تلقي التحية على رجل لا يردها؟ فسأله صاحبنا وما السبب في أنه لا يرد التحية برأيك؟ فقال: أعتقد أنه وبلا شك رجل قليل الأدب، وهو لا يستحق أساسا أن تُلقى عليه التحية، فقال صاحبنا: إذن هو برأيك قليل الأدب؟ قال: نعم، قال صاحبنا: هل تريدني أن أتعلم منه قلة الأدب أم أعلمه الأدب؟ فسكت الرجل لهول الصدمة ورد بعد طول تأمل: ولكنه قليل الأدب وعليه أن يرد التحية، فأعاد صاحبنا سؤاله: هل تريدني أن أتعلم منه قلة الأدب أم أعلمه الأدب، ثم عقب قائلا: يا سيدي أيا كان الدافع الذي يكمن وراء عدم رده لتحيتنا فإن ما يجب أن نؤمن به أن خيوطنا يجب أن تبقى بأيدينا لا أن نسلمها لغيرنا، ولو صرت مثله لا ألقي التحية على من ألقاه لتمكن هو مني وعلمني سلوكه الذي تسميه قلة أدب وسيكون صاحب السلوك الخاطئ هو الأقوى وهو المسيطر وستنتشر بين الناس أمثال هذه الأنماط من السلوك الخاطئ، ولكن حين أحافظ على مبدئي في إلقاء التحية على من ألقاه أكون قد حافظت على ما أؤمن به، وعاجلا أم آجلا سيتعلم سلوك حسن الخلق، ثم أردف قائلا: ألست معي بأن السلوك الخاطئ يشبه أحيانا السم أو النار فإن ألقينا على السم سما زاد أذاه وإن زدنا النار نارا أو حطبا زدناها اشتعالا، صدقني يا أخي أن القوة تكمن في الحفاظ على استقلال كل منا، ونحن حين نصبح متأثرين بسلوك أمثاله نكون قد سمحنا لسمهم أو لخطئهم أو لقلة أدبهم كما سميتها أن تؤثر فينا وسيعلموننا ما نكرهه فيهم وسيصبح سلوكهم نمطا مميزا لسلوكنا وسيكونون هم المنتصرين في حلبة الصراع اليومي بين الصواب والخطأ، ولمعرفة الصواب تأمل معي جواب النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام على ملك الجبال حين سأله: يا محمد أتريد أن أطبق عليهم الأخشبين؟ فقال: لا إني أطمع أن يخرج الله من أصلابهم من يعبد الله، اللهم اهد قومي فإنهم لا يعلمون. لم تنجح كل سبل الإساءة من قومه عليه الصلاة والسلام أن تعدل سلوكه من الصواب إلى الخطأ مع أنه بشر يتألم كما يتألم البشر ويحزن ويتضايق إذا أهين كما يتضايق البشر ولكن ما يميزه عن بقية البشر هذه المساحة الواسعة من التسامح التي تملكها نفسه، وهذا الإصرار الهائل على الاحتفاظ بالصواب مهما كان سلوك الناس المقابلين سيئا أو شنيعا أو مجحفا أو جاهلا، ويبقى السؤال قائما حين نقابل أناسا قليلي الأدب هل نتعلم منهم قلة أدبهم أم نعلمهم الأدب؟
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عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 13 / 02 / 2008, 33 : 05 PM   المشاركة رقم: 9
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أ. د. صبحي النيّال
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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Poor neighborhood affects child outcomes

OTTAWA (UPI) -- Canadian researchers found living in poor neighborhoods is linked to children doing poorly in school.

The study, published in Child Development, found families living in poorer neighborhoods have poorer mental health, poorer family relations, show less consistent parenting and poorer school performance.

"This study does not show that poverty leads to bad parenting, which in turn leads to poor outcomes in children," study lead author Dafna Kohen of the University of Ottawa says in a statement. "Rather, this study shows that in neighborhoods where there is socioeconomic disadvantage, children's verbal and behavioral outcomes are influenced by poor parental mental health and parenting behaviors."

The study of 3,528 preschoolers from a nationally representative sample of Canadian children analyzed characteristics such as the sense of trust among neighbors, whether or not residents can get together to address community issues or problems, mothers' mental health and parenting behaviors.

The study found that there is less neighborhood cohesion or mutual trust in poor neighborhoods, which, in turn, can be associated with poorer mental health in parents and greater family dysfunction. In turn, poorer parental mental health and family dysfunction are associated with less consistent and more punitive parenting, which is associated with a greater incidence of behavior problems in children, the study said.


Copyright 2008 by United Press International





U.S.-born kids source of more adoptions

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- International restrictions on foreign adoptions and concerns over human rights resulted in the adoption of more U.S.-born children, USA Today said.

Potential parents asking about adopting children from foster care rose 47 percent in 2007 and several adoption agencies reported an increased interest in U.S.-born children from 2006 to 2007, USA Today said Monday in an independent survey.

The Michigan-based Bethany Christian Services saw a greater than 15 percent increase in inquiries from foster care and adoptions. The U.S. State Department reports a similar reverse trend in the number of foreign children adopted by Americans.

USA Today says the interest in U.S.-born children is in part due to the waiting period for adopting abroad.

China, once the leading foreign source of children, imposed restrictions on adopting to single, homosexual, low-income and elderly applicants, which further prohibits the process.

Paul Placek with the National Council for Adoption said the supply does not meet demand as less than 1 percent of unmarried pregnant woman offer unwanted children up for adoption.

"The interest is there in domestic adoptions, but the supply of babies is not," he said.


Copyright 2008 by United Press International




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
قديم 16 / 02 / 2008, 52 : 02 PM   المشاركة رقم: 10
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أ. د. صبحي النيّال
اللقب:
ضيف

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كاتب الموضوع : أ. د. صبحي النيّال المنتدى : التربية و التعليم
رد: تربويات

Be calm and firm with highly active child

John Rosemond

Question: Our son just turned 5 and has always been full of questions and is overall a really good kid except for the fact that he doesn't seem able to sit still. It's driving me nuts, and I mean that literally! When he talks to you, he is constantly moving his arms and legs, fiddling with things, and walking back and forth. When he sits down to watch a movie he is in constant motion, squirming, rearranging himself, getting on and off the chair, and so on. When we have company, it gets even worse because he becomes so excited. When other kids come over, it's absolute chaos. Nonetheless, when he's at pre-school or when he and I are playing a game or focused together on any single activity, he sits still. How do I get this kid to slow down before I buy a rope and strap him to the chair!

Answer: Your son is obviously afflicted with "Saint Vitus Dance," a malady that is not unusual to young boys. (Note: I am fully aware that there is a legitimate abnormal movement disorder known as Chorea sancti viti, which is the Latin for Saint Vitus Dance. However, I am using the term in the colloquial sense and not to imply that I am diagnosing this child with said disorder. The preceding message was brought to you by my attorney.) In fact, if fifty years ago a mother had sought advice concerning this problem from an older woman, the latter would have simply said, "He's just a boy." And by the way, I strongly encourage you to forget about the rope-and-chair thing, unless you want to be the subject of tomorrow's headline story.

The bottom line is that your son is otherwise a "really good kid" who is able to sit still and focus when he's at school and when the two of you are doing something together. He obviously has a pressing need to be active or actively absorbed in a task, a need that watching television doesn't come close to satisfying. The fact that he can sit still selectively means "he's just a boy." (Note: A small minority of girls also qualify as having the colloquial form of Saint Vitus Dance. I should therefore point out that a girl so "afflicted" is not "just a boy," but rather a highly active girl. The preceding message, etcetera.)

In light of the fact that this is the biggest problem you're dealing with, I encourage you to count your blessings and overlook as much of his squirming and general "dancing" as you are able to overlook. On those occasions when you are unable to overlook it, just tell him the truth: to wit, his inability to sit still is really bugging you.

Just say, calmly but with conviction, "You're really bugging me, as in driving me nuts. If you can't sit still to (fill in the blank with the situation at hand, as in "watch this movie"), then I need you to go to your room and find something to do to calm yourself down." Before company comes over, simply tell him that he is welcome to be a part of the group as long as he can control his movement level. As soon as it becomes obvious that he's unable to do so, don't threaten or reprimand him. Rather, at the very first sign of SDV, take him aside and tell him that he has to go to his room until the company leaves. In short, you are under no obligation to be a witness or host to his SVD episodes. On the other hand, there's probably not much you can do to "cure" him any time soon. The good news is that most boys eventually outgrow SDV or at least find appropriate outlets through which to channel it. In my case, for instance, learning to type helped a great deal.

*About the Author: John Rosemond has written nine best-selling parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.

Click here to visit Rosemond's Web site, www.rosemond.com.




















عرض البوم صور أ. د. صبحي النيّال   رد مع اقتباس
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